Longest Wind Briefs – Guns ‘n’ Roses, Yelling Seal, and Joss Whedon’s Wonder Woman


I really hope nobody ever gets tired of this picture of kittens on a clothes line, because it will be quite a tall order to replace it. For now, the posts…

GnR Reunion Blues


When I first heard the rumors in 2015 that Axl Rose and Slash were going to be getting back together and touring as Guns ‘n’ Roses I was completely nonplussed. I have heard rumors like this for years and they never turn into anything, when rumors like this do end up being true all you get is some half-baked album like Chinese Democracy, and I honestly don’t know if Axl’s voice is really up to snuff anymore.

When the official announcement of Guns ‘n’ Roses tour dates in 2016 came on NPR a day or two before New Years I had a completely different reaction. I was driving to work in my cold Scion xD when all of a sudden this flush of warmth came over me and it honestly felt like I was blushing. If I didn’t know any better I would have thought I’d just taken a shot. I started remembering what it felt like to listen to Appetite for Destruction for the first time with that raunchy LA dive feel and those siren-like guitars.

I’m not sure which part of me is the better judge, but my brain is unexcited about the GnR reunion despite how into the idea my heart seems to be. At the end of the day, I think whether or not I see the band live is going to be the choice of my wallet, though, so I’m going to have to find a way to curb my enthusiasm somehow.

Pet Sounds (If Your Pet is a Seal)


For a few days in early January I think my wife and I spent more time laughing than breathing. This is because we stumbled across a video that features a seal making a ridiculous sound. Because I am reading Moby Dick, I imagined how one might classify the seal during the peak of the whaling industry. I summoned to mind a wave-lapped old man in ratty clothing telling tall tales about a beast that looked like a dog on its front end, a fish on its hind end, and screamed like a man. Here is the video that inspired the high heights of my recent ecstasy:

Wonder Woman (2007)


Not too long ago, in about ’06-’07ish, Joss Whedon was hired by Warner Brothers to write and direct a Wonder Woman film, but the film fell apart. Joss Whedon said, “We just saw different movies, and at the price range this kind of movie hands in, that’s never gonna work. Non-sympatico. It happens all the time.” Now, Wonder Woman, written by Jason Fuchs and directed by Patty Jenkins, is going to be coming out in 2017. I imagine, after learning about this, Joss figured he was never going to get to use his script for a Wonder Woman film, because his original script for the film was recently released to the public. All I had to do was read the first little bit of description —

Wonder Woman

— and I was hooked. The script is 116 pages long and it is available all over the web. I highly recommend giving it a read. The script is incredibly visual, charming, and funny. Diana comes off like The Little Mermaid, misunderstanding the workings of the world like fear, greed, and stubble, but she also sees humanity from a stranger’s eyes. We have the potential to become something bold and original, and yet we fall into all of the same scripts. As Wonder Woman, Diana can be a guide for humanity to reach for our higher nature. Steve Trevor is a fantastic partner, courageous and worldly, but dedicated toward the good of others. They teach one another and they criticize one another, and every once in a while Diana swoops him up in her arms like a “damsel in distress” and escorts him out of harm’s way.

It is probably issues like the gender role reversal that I just mentioned that kept this film from getting made. Whedon was diplomatic about his parting of ways with the production company, but you have to wonder if his vision was censored by the people with money. Whedon’s Wonder Woman is intensely critical of humanity’s tendency toward war, clear gender boundaries and roles, and the status quo in general at the peak of the Bush administration when pacifist views were seen as “letting the terrorists win,” when marriage was defined according to the Defense of Marriage Act as between one man and one woman, and when anyone who questions the way things work would be labelled a Communist by the neo-McCarthyists we voted into office. Joss Whedon’s Wonder Woman was bold, and possibly the best thing he’s ever written. You all can keep dreaming for Firefly Season Two. I’m holding out for DC’s reboot of Wonder Woman with a Whedon script.

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